As we wrap up this week of your beautiful Letters to Pearl, there are three very important letters left to share — from Pearl’s mama, Ruth, and from her brother and sister, Brennan & Abbey. Thank you for sharing your hearts this week, friends. The Browns are so very grateful.
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Ruth’s Letter to Pearl
Sweet Pearly Girl,
I started praying for you when you were just a twinkle in my eye – when your dad & I realized someone was missing from our family. I was so excited when I found out you were growing in my belly! Two weeks later, we had an ultrasound for an early pregnancy study I was participating in. You measured smaller than they thought you should, and your heart was not beating. It should have started just a few days before. The doctors weren’t sure if you were just a few days younger than I thought or if you were already gone. I was devastated and confused. I cried out to our Father. I was afraid to hope. A week later we went back. Your heart was beating strong! And your dad and my hearts leapt for joy! It was days before Christmas and our family’s celebration of the miracle baby King was sweeter knowing that you were with us.
You grew, and a few months later, as I sat on our couch, I finally felt you move inside me. Again, I could hardly contain my excitement, my joy. I called your dad to tell him the news. It was proof that you lived inside me still! Our ultrasound would be in just a week, and it was reassuring to know you were doing ok. I am thankful for that week I thought everything was great before the time that was so hard. The next week would change my life forever.
The next week we had our ultrasound. The technician told us you were a girl and pointed out your beating heart. Your dad and I smiled at each other. She didn’t tell us much more and sent us to the midwife. After a long wait, the midwife finally came in to see us and started crying. She told us what the technician wasn’t allowed to – our baby girl was not ok. You had a condition she didn’t know much about, but told us you wouldn’t live. We were all heartbroken. We were all devastated and confused. How could this be? She sent us on to someone who should know more.
Baby, the great Physician knew more than all the specialists we met with. He knew more than the other parents we wrote to. He knew because He made you the way He wanted. He had already planned your life. He knew that sometimes the most humble ones could teach the most profound lessons. And teach the world you have! Lots of people say their faith in your Creator has grown. They say He did a miracle. Lots of people say they have learned to accept His will more gracefully, that they learned to love each other more fully. I am learning to trust him through difficulty, to be thankful for everything, to rest in his provision.
Sweet girl, I pray that you can feel how much everyone loves you. Do you know that’s what all the hugs and kisses and googly eyes mean? Practically everyone who meets you falls head over heels for you, even people who have just read about you. I pray that you know that more than how difficult your life has been. I pray that our love comforts you when you seize or have trouble breathing.
Brennan & Abbey love you a lot, too. They do their best to help Daddy & I take care of you. They give you all the kisses we’ll allow before we get worried about too many germs. They sing you songs. They’re learning a lot about God. We talk quite a bit about heaven and how great it will be when we’re all there together one day. It will be better to be where no one is sick and we can run and not get tired and there aren’t any tears. Brennan wonders if we can have a big celebration when we’re all there and maybe throw cupcakes. I think that sounds like a great idea! We may not get to feel you hug our necks, kiss our cheeks, or hear you tell us you love us until we get to heaven. I hope the waiting will not be too hard.
Pearl, you’re special. I’m glad God gave you to our family, that He said yes to so many of our requests. I’m thankful for your sweet bright red hair – I think God gave it to you just for fun – and your big beautiful blue eyes. I’m glad I get to take care of you and kiss your cheeks and share you with the world. I’m glad He will help us through all the times we might be sad or confused or hurt or think that this life is hard. I’m thankful we’re all learning more about Him.
I think God helped us pick a very fitting name for you. You are a treasure to me. Your sweet life is formed around an illness but shows beauty to all. You have helped me find lasting deep satisfaction in the Lord. You are my precious daughter, Pearl Joy Brown, and I love you.
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Brennan’s Letter to Pearl
I love you so much, I don’t even know how much. I’m glad you’re my sister. I like kissing you and hugging you and giving you lovin’s. I hope we get to see each other in heaven whenever we want, and that we get to run whenever we want, and that we get to play games. Running games, cause we’ll be able to run without getting tired.
I think you are too sweet!
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Abbey’s Letter to Pearl
Hi Pearly Girly,
I always love you so much. I like to hold you a lot. I hope I get to see you in heaven. Jesus is our best friend.